Do you have a desire to live?
You may think that’s a strange question. Of course, you want to live. You’re living, aren’t you?
Well, maybe.
I’m reminded of that famous quote from the movie “The Shawshank Redemption.”
The line is delivered both by Andy Dufresne, played by Tim Robbins, and by “Red” Redding, played by Morgan Freeman, at different times in the movie. For Andy, the phrase is a mantra that keeps him going while he’s inside the prison. For Red, it’s a reminder to summon his courage and go after the good life after he’s released.
“I guess it comes down to a simple choice. Get busy livin’, or get busy dyin’.”
You can see both scenes here on YouTube.
So when I ask if you have the desire to live, what I’m asking is: are you motivated to live your best life? And if not, why not?
A Tale of Two Goats and the Desire to Live
Here’s what got me thinking about this.
Over the holiday season, I stayed with my parents for several days. They own a goat ranch, and December is right in the middle of birthing season. That means there are pregnant moms and little kid goats all over the place.
I arrived home shortly after a tragedy had taken place: One of the new moms had died suddenly, leaving two babies behind. No one could figure out what had happened. The mom had been healthy and strong. She had displayed no symptoms of any diseases or problems. One day, she was gone. Just like that.
I grew up on a ranch so I know that sometimes, these things happen and you never know why.
The babies were both boys and only 3 weeks old. My parents quickly bought some formula and set to bottle feeding the kids.
They expected this to be difficult at first. After all, the kids had learned how to feed on their real mom. Now they had to learn how to drink formula from a bottle—a significant challenge.
Long-time ranchers, my parents know that it’s always easier to teach a new baby to eat from the bottle right away, rather than have to teach them to switch after eating on a real mom. But in this situation, there was no choice.
One Goat’s Desire to Live, Another’s Desire to Die
Morning and night, my parents worked with these two baby bucks. While my stepdad held the kid in his lap, Mom put the nipple in his mouth and worked his little jaw, trying to encourage him to suck.
It was long, difficult work. I did some of it while I was home. You had to hold the bottle just right so the baby wouldn’t get air into his stomach, then you had to squeeze the bottle at the right time to get milk into the baby’s mouth. With the other hand, you moved the little mouth, trying to encourage sucking.
One of the kids—his name was Harold—caught on quickly. Within a few days, he started to suck on his own. After another week, he was going to town on that bottle, and soon he was draining it dry within minutes.
He learned to look for my parents at feeding time. He blatted when he saw them and hurried to the gate to greet them, eager for his breakfast or dinner.
He figured it out.
His brother, however—his name was Howie—didn’t catch on.
He laid listlessly in my parents’ lap. He wouldn’t suck on the bottle. My parents continued to feed him as best they could. Holding the bottle in his mouth, they gently squeezed every 4-5 seconds, allowing the milk to trickle down the baby’s throat. Morning and night, morning and night, they tried.
Howie didn’t care. He didn’t want to suck. He didn’t want my parents coming around. When they went into the pen to get him, he ran away, even after several weeks of the same routine. Even while watching his brother rush to greet his new “parents.”
At every opportunity, he made it plain: He didn’t want to live.
Everything Stems from the Desire to Live
It seems strange that a baby animal would lack the desire to live. We can understand the trauma of losing a mom. We can imagine it would take time for the baby to learn to adapt.
But never have I seen such a contrast as I did in Harold and Howie. Harold was traumatized too, but when given the chance to survive, he took it. Not only that, he embraced it.
He was excited about his new parents coming around. He loved getting out and getting to know the other baby goats. He continued to grow and develop and was a bright light for everyone in the barnyard, two-legged and four-legged alike.
Howie was the exact opposite. Despite the example his brother gave him, he refused to do anything to survive. Despite my parents’ patient efforts with him day after day, he resisted them. He wouldn’t try at all.
Worse, he started fighting them. Instead of lying in their laps allowing them to feed him, he would use what little energy he had left to pull away from the bottle.
Several weeks later, Howie died. And it was no one’s fault but Howie’s. He simply lost the desire to live.
Have You Lost the Desire to Live?
While reflecting on this experience, I thought about the quote from Shawshank Redemption, and then I thought about how easily the desire to live can vanish during our everyday lives.
You may not see it that way, exactly. But if you’ve lost the motivation to go after your dreams, or you’re living your life on autopilot without any joy, you probably can trace it back to this very basic thing: You’ve lost the desire to live.
Here are some signs this may be happening to you:
- Apathy: You’ve lost interest in going after your dreams and have “settled” for whatever life gives you.
- Fatigue: You’re constantly fighting fatigue, and would often like to stay in bed all day. Everything feels like a chore.
- Powerlessness: You feel powerless to change your life and feel like what happens is up to fate or fortune.
- Negativity: You find that your thoughts often dwell on the negative.
- Routine: You rarely break out of your usual routine. You could say you’re in a rut.
Keep in mind that you may be experiencing subtle versions of any of these symptoms.
Or it could be that you’re experiencing none of these, but you have one very glaring symptom: you’re just not excited about your life anymore.
“Desire is the burning internal quality that pushes you and produces a restlessness with things as they are,” writes Paul J. Meyer for Success magazine. “Desire empowers you to meet the challenges of life and compels you to fulfill a purpose larger than yourself.”
What Creates a Lack of Desire?
There are many reasons why you may find yourself feeling a little like Howie did. Here are some possibilities:
- You recently went through a traumatic experience.
- You’ve lost a job or experienced the death of someone close to you.
- You have suffered from chronic stress for a long time—perhaps due to a demanding job, illness, or caregiving tasks.
- You’ve tried and failed to make your dreams come true. Maybe you recently experienced a big disappointment.
- You feel trapped in your current situation for some reason.
You may be able to think of others. The point is, if you’re not enthusiastic and excited about your life right now, it’s time to stoke your desire.
“I had the privilege of interviewing Coach John Wooden on his 96th birthday,” writes president of LeadershipTraQ Mick Ukleja. “I asked him this question: ‘Coach, you are 96 today. How do you stay so enthusiastic and passionate about life?’ His answer: ‘Mick, the day your past becomes more exciting than your future is the day you start to die.’ That thought has stuck like a piece of shrapnel in my brain.”
How to Stoke Your Desire to Live
If your desire has waned lately, try these tips to get it burning again.
1. Write down your dreams.
It’s important to pause now and then to ask yourself, “What do I want?” Sometimes we can drift so far away from ourselves that we no longer know. If that’s the case, get away for a couple of days to somewhere new and allow your mind to relax and play.
Your dreams today may be different from what they were a few years ago. Be honest with yourself about what you want right now, and write it all down, no matter how silly it sounds.
Just this action alone can start your wheels turning, which gives you energy.
“It’s just too easy to go through the motions of your life,” writes Robyn on Nomads with a Purpose. “There’s a powerful force that draws us to the easy, the routine, the mundane, and in order to escape it, you have to have a strong desire for something more.”
2. Identify what’s draining you.
Usually, if you’ve lost desire in your life, it’s because something has drained it. If you can identify what that something is, you can plug the drain.
Maybe you’re in the wrong job, trying to do too much, or with the wrong person. Spend some time investigating your own life to see what is creating the negative energy. Then you can work toward finding some solutions.
Try freewriting for 10-15 minutes on this question:
“When I think about my day, what do I dread?”
3. Feed your mind motivating stuff.
In #1 you identified some of your dreams. Now it’s time to feed those dreams.
Start reading books, magazines, and online articles about your dream. Find some workshops or classes and sign up for them. Plan to travel to locations that reflect your dream or help you learn more about it. Join a group that has other people who are interested in similar dreams.
The more you expose yourself to the possibilities in life, the more excited you’ll become about potentially making your life better. That will stoke your desire to do so!
4. Meet new people.
We are heavily influenced by the people we spend time with. If your circle of friends includes others who have also lost their desire, it will be easy for you to stay right where you are.
If, however, you start interacting with others who have a strong desire to go after their dreams and live their life with purpose, some of those characteristics are likely to rub off on you.
It can be difficult to break out of your current social group. You’ll have to take some purposeful steps to do so. Some ideas:
- Get involved in a sport or activity club.
- Join a book club.
- Find a business association near you.
- Join a gym or take an exercise class.
- Participate in Toastmasters or another speaking club.
- Go on a wine or beer tour.
- Find a church or religious community.
- Take an art class (or any class).
- Join the board of a charity.
5. Change your identity.
Sometimes we can just get tired of who we are. Maybe it’s time for you to embrace a new identity.
Ask yourself, “Who would I like to be right now at this time in my life?”
Imagine how that person would dress and do her hair, then have some fun making changes to your wardrobe and look.
Imagine what that person’s house would look like, then make some adjustments to yours if you like.
Imagine what that person would do with her leisure time and give it a try. Put on your acting hat and have some fun.
The new identity may not stick, but it will give you a chance to break out of your routine and you may find that you enjoy some of the changes—enough to stoke your desire for more.
“Don’t let your negative self-beliefs haunt you out of taking action. You owe it to yourself to live the life that you desire.” – Author: Joel Brown