Most of us have at least some fear of death.
We’d prefer to stay alive, thank you very much.
But death isn’t something we can avoid. At least, not forever.
Fear of Death Interferes with Living Life
I got to thinking about this after watching the most recent James Bond movie, “No Time to Die.”
Toward the end of the movie, the character M read a quote:
“The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”
Those lines struck me deeply, so when I got home, I looked them up. Turns out they were originally spoken by one of my favorite authors: Jack London. (If you haven’t read Martin Eden, I highly recommend it!)
According to Newsweek, this was a snippet from a larger quote attributed to London. He spoke the full quote to journalist Ernest J. Hopkins, who published it in San Francisco’s The Bulletin on December 2, 1916.
London spoke the quote while discussing his life just two months before he died at only 40 years of age.
I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The function of man is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.
The line that seems particularly important right now is this one: I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Today, it seems everyone is running scared. Never before has our population been more concerned with safety—and with avoiding death, or even discomfort—than they are now.
It’s understandable with everything that’s been going on, but as I look back on my life growing up, I worry that it’s hurting more than helping us.
Is Our Fear of Death Hurting More Than Helping Us?
When my family gets together, like many families, we often end up talking about the memories we share. One theme that runs through the conversations is this: we could never do the things we did then, now.
My parents, for instance, would probably have been arrested. They often took us on cross-country trips without car seats (which weren’t required then). We would pile in our old station wagon, many of us flopped out in the large back cargo area on blankets and sleeping bags—and drive for hours and hours, eating canned foods and snacks as we went.
It was a blast, and I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything.
I grew up on a 10-acre ranch. I rode horses starting at the age of nine, and though my parents did their best to keep us safe, there were several times when I was tossed off the horse and injured. Yet I was allowed to ride off into the open land to my heart’s content for hours—without a cell phone.
It may have been unsafe, but it was fun, and it taught me how to be strong and capable. I learned that sometimes in life, you have only yourself to count on, so you’d better stay sharp.
I look around today and worry about our kids. It seems they’re being taught to be afraid of just about everything and to always avoid adventure in the name of safety.
It seems they’re being taught to fear, as London said, being alive, and to choose simply existing instead.
How Much is “Safety” Going to Cost You?
In my job as a freelance writer, I often write about how our government agencies are increasing safety standards. One industry in which this occurs regularly is the car industry.
Every year, more safety features are required on cars. Of course, we all want our vehicles to be safe, but things we managed just fine without only a few years ago are now being required as standard equipment on vehicles.
Sure, it’s nice to have a backup camera (made mandatory in 2018), but did you know that it adds about $250 to your car’s price?
What about that autonomous braking, lane departure warning system, and all the other technological safety add-ons? Government agencies love them and the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) considers them when rating the safety of any particular make and model of vehicle.
Yet all this is making vehicles more expensive, pricing many people out of new cars. According to ChicMoto.com, “Many of these advanced active safety systems do also dramatically increase the price tag and cost to repair, especially without a warranty.”
On top of that, they may be increasing insurance premiums. Why, when they increase safety? They increase the cost of repair. Since your insurance has to pay to repair your vehicle, safer cars are more of a risk for them, so they pass those costs onto you. (Read more about that here.)
The “funny” thing is, all these extras may make us “feel” safer, but they do little to protect us in a wreck. “While it is nice to have a backup camera,” ChicMoto.com states, “that doesn’t mean those models are going to protect you any more than the basic model when in a head-on collision. It still comes down to you to drive safely.”
This is just one example. There are others. The common theme is that every year, we seem more and more obsessed with complete safety as if we can somehow remove all risk from living.
But of course, that’s impossible.
5 Ways to Ease Fear of Death—And Increase the Joy of Life
We all have to deal with the fear of being hurt or killed—or of getting sick, for that matter. It’s a part of being alive. But if we allow fear to take over, we become paralyzed. And life becomes a lot less fulfilling.
If you’re struggling with fear of death in today’s world, the following tips may help.
1. Embrace Your Mortality
As my dad used to say, the only things you can’t avoid are death and taxes. (And actually, you probably could avoid taxes if you didn’t mind going to jail.)
Sometimes it can help to realize that yes, your life is finite. You get only so many years and that’s it. What matters more than how long you have to live is how much life you can fit into that time.
Are you enjoying your life? Pursuing your dreams? Realizing that you don’t have unlimited time to do so can inspire you to take action—and that’s a great way to start enjoying your life more.
2. Replace Fear with Gratitude
Anytime I think about death, I think about the things I’ve been grateful for in my life. I think it’s a natural pairing—when you imagine your life coming to an end, suddenly you feel much more grateful for all the good things you’ve enjoyed along the way.
Taking 5-10 minutes to write down what you’re grateful for every day is good for you in a lot of ways. It provides both physical and mental health benefits and helps you maintain a positive mood.
It can also help replace any fear you may be feeling. Sometimes we can get bogged down by all the bad news we hear every day. Reminding ourselves of the good things in our lives can help us feel more relaxed and less fearful.
3. Do What Makes You Happy
We humans often put things off.
We think we’ll be around forever. So we decide to go on vacation next year. Get that book written later. Try playing a musical instrument when we have time.
Embracing death without fear allows you to embrace life at the same time. You could be dead tomorrow. Why not plan that vacation now? Sign up for that guitar class, or get the degree you’ve always wanted?
Making more of your life—creating a life that you love—can make you less afraid to die. Often we are afraid because we haven’t truly lived yet. There are so many more things we want to do.
Why aren’t you doing them now? Whatever your excuses are, staring death in the face can help you realize they probably aren’t worth you missing out on what matters to you.
4. Learn More About Death
It’s not something most of us choose to study.
But when you think about it, we should. We have to learn about everything else in life. Why not death?
I have found that reading from scholars, mystics, spiritual advisors, and even those who have experienced near-death experiences, to be helpful. None of us knows with certainty what happens after death, but we can learn from others how to deal with that concern about the unknown.
According to Sam Dresser, writing for Psyche, Ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus held that the fear of death is harmful to the enjoyment of our lives. To overcome it, we should imagine ourselves as dead.
“You cannot imagine what it would be like to be dead,” Dresser writes, “because death is an absence of existence…In Epicurus’ words: ‘Death is nothing to us.’”
Indeed, how much can “nothing” be feared? Something that can get you thinking.
5. Enjoy Spiritual Rituals
There’s a reason people get so much comfort from spiritual rituals, whatever they may be. They help us feel grounded in life, while at the same time, reminding us of our spiritual nature, and that we are more than our physical bodies.
Simply lighting a candle and spending a few minutes in meditation can help quiet any fears you have, and allow you to connect to whatever higher power you believe in, granting you an inner feeling of safety.
Even if you don’t believe in a higher power, regular rituals such as a morning gratitude list or evening walk can help you feel more centered, increasing your sense of control and chasing fear away.
“At the end of the day,” writes Margaret Manning in HuffPost, “the advice from other people over 50 who have conquered their fear of death is simple: focus on living authentically, passionately and well. A fear of death cannot take root in the heart of a person who is truly satisfied with their life.”
How do you overcome the fear of death?