Do you trust yourself? Does it matter?
Years ago, I conducted an experiment. At the time, I wrote frequent journal entries, so I went back five years and started reviewing those entries.
I don’t remember why I did this, but I remember clearly what I discovered: Everything that I suspected would happen—or felt I should do for my own good—turned out to be correct.
I knew on first dates when a person wasn’t right for me. Yet I went on after that to continue dating long after that, putting myself through a lot of unnecessary emotional trauma.
I knew immediately what clients were going to be good ones and which were going to hassle me to do more work for less pay. Yet I often worked with the difficult ones for far too long.
I knew what steps I needed to take to move forward in my writing career, yet I was afraid to take them, usually because they required some level of risk. So success took much longer than it needed to.
I couldn’t believe the results. That was a huge turning point in my life. Ever since that moment, I have trusted myself more.
The benefits are amazing. I’d love for you to experience them too (if you aren’t already).
What Does It Mean to Trust Yourself?
I don’t know about you, but from a young age, I turned to others for validation.
I assumed that my teachers, parents, and other authority figures knew more than I did and that I should do what they said even when I thought it might not be the best.
I think most of us feel this way as children. We turn to adults for guidance. The hope is that as we mature, we begin to form our own ideas and start to trust our own opinions.
Some people find it easy to do this early on. They may seem arrogant because even at a young age, they think they know better than most. They trust themselves first!
I wasn’t one of these folks. I doubted myself for a good long time.
Trusting Yourself Means Trusting Your Intuition
In today’s society, we’re often led to believe that rational, analytical thinking is superior to intuitive feeling. I know I often felt pressured to favor these types of thinking.
Of course, there is a place for logic and practicality, but that doesn’t preclude the importance of tuning into your other senses. For many of us, it’s our intuition that knows best, no matter what our rational brains may say.
Trusting ourselves means trusting that our intuition, instincts, education, and knowledge will serve us well in making decisions. We know what’s good for us and what’s not, and we act accordingly.
You May Trust Yourself But Struggle to Show It
Before I had my epiphany, I had started to trust myself, but I was having a hard time following through on it.
I would get a nudge from my gut that I should do something, but then do what someone else thought I should do instead—and pay for it later.
Other times, I would do what I thought someone else wanted me to do just to make them happy while suffering myself.
Bad idea.
“When you don’t trust yourself, you end up going in a million different directions,” writes life coach and author Lyn Christian. “Your actions don’t always line up with what matters to you. A discord can develop between who you are and how you act.”
Trusting yourself is not only about knowing what’s good for you but following through on that and taking the actions that you know are right for your life—no matter what others may think.
What Does It Mean When You Don’t Trust Yourself?
If you’re not sure whether you trust yourself, check this list. If you do any of the following, you’re not quite there yet.
You:
- have trouble making decisions
- constantly ask others what they think
- are afraid of making the wrong choices and disappointing others
- feel nervous or anxious often because you’re afraid of doing the wrong thing
- often do what others tell you to do even when you think it’s not right for you
- don’t feel comfortable being yourself around others
- frequently minimize or ignore your own needs
- struggle to find your own voice
- break promises you made to yourself
- overthink everything
- are overly critical of yourself
5 Benefits of Learning to Trust Yourself
What happens when you learn to trust yourself?
Here are just some of the most impactful benefits that I’ve noticed.
1. You’ll Make Better Choices
There’s nothing wrong with gathering other opinions when you’re faced with making an important decision. It’s often (though not always) a good thing to do.
But in the end, you must tune into your heart, mind, and gut to make the right decision for you. And then you must trust that your decision will be the best one—even if it’s not the same decision others have suggested.
Writes author Shellie R. Warren:
“[I]f you need a bunch of people to ‘get’, understand or co-sign on what you are—or aren’t—about to do in your life, that is a very telling indication that you don’t trust yourself very much; that you think the opinion of others is more important, impactful and relevant than your own. (Pretty scary, huh?)”
When I was in my 20s, I decided to leave a comfortable, secure, salaried job to strike out on my own as a freelance writer. It’s not a decision my family would have been comfortable with. My parents wanted me to be safe and secure, and I was headed into insecure territory.
So I didn’t say much to them about it, as I didn’t want them to worry. I trusted my gut, planned carefully, and when the time came, made that leap.
It was one of the best decisions I ever made.
When I look back now, I imagine what might have happened had I failed to trust myself. I might still be working in a corporate position today. (I shudder to think about it.) If so, I imagine I’d be burned out, unhealthy, and unhappy. I sure wouldn’t have the thriving writing career I have now.
Trust that your soul knows where you need to go and you’ll rarely be disappointed.
2. You’ll Gain Confidence
As I re-read my journal entries and realized that I knew what was right, even when I didn’t act on it, something shifted inside me.
Here was the evidence in black and white that I had no reason to be afraid that I’d somehow screw up. All I had to do was listen more closely to what my gut was telling me.
That day, I started doing just that. I’ve practiced a lot since then, and every time a decision turns out right—even small ones—I gain a little more confidence.
Try it. When your intuition tells you to do something —particularly if someone else is telling you to do something different—trust yourself. See what happens.
3. You’ll Become a Stronger Person
When you trust yourself, you become someone others can lean on.
Think about those who have been the “rocks” in your life. Likely they were strong, confident, capable people. If you examine them more closely, you may realize that they all trusted themselves.
My mother has been a rock in my life. And she rarely thinks she’s wrong about things. When my brother was struggling with asthma as a young boy, in and out of the hospital, she knew that the best thing for him was to get him to a drier climate.
She didn’t hesitate to pack us up in her old car and drive across country to give him a better life. (It worked—he grew out of his asthma and went on to enter the Coast Guard Academy.)
That’s a sign of someone trusting themselves—she knew what was best for her child and she didn’t question it.
I’m not saying that when you trust yourself you become rigid in your thinking. But you do become more reliable. You know how you want to live your life, so you’re not wishy-washy. You’re not vacillating from one opinion to another. And that’s attractive and helpful to others.
4. You Experience Less Anxiety
I’ve struggled with anxiety for many years. It’s sort of like this bubbling goo that’s there in my stomach, rising at various times to make me feel nervous.
Looking back now, I think the source of much of this anxiety was believing that I was wrong about things. I didn’t know the right way to act or to be, so I was anxious.
Now, I trust that I know how to be the best version of myself. I trust that who I am is enough and that helps quiet my nerves and allows me to be who I am without that taut, nervous energy that can be so off-putting.
Better for everyone!
5. You’ll Radiate Energy and Happiness
Since I’ve learned to trust myself, I’ve been a happier person.
Making choices that I know are best for me in all areas of life helps me maintain my health, boost my energy, follow my own path, and enjoy being around others more.
I’m more relaxed, less anxious, and more apt to find joy in each day. And the more I practice self-trust, the happier I am.
Tips on How to Build Self-Trust
If you’d like to build more trust in yourself, try these tips:
- Start small. Trust that you know what’s healthy for you to eat today, for instance, or what type of exercise would be best, and follow-through.
- Practice trusting yourself every day. The more you do it, the more trust you will have.
- Don’t dismiss your emotions or talk yourself out of something you want to do. Not trusting yourself leads to less trust over time.
- Be more compassionate with yourself. Practice accepting who you are a little more each day.
- Create a journaling practice. Record in your journal your intuitive insights and gut feelings. Then go back a month (or more) later and see if they were right.
- Compare the choices you’ve made for yourself to those you followed that were made by others. Which ones turned out better for you?
- Do what you need to do for your physical and mental health. Stop short-changing yourself on a healthy diet, exercise, and sleep.
- Remember how it feels when you ignore your intuition. What was the outcome? Remind yourself of the consequences of not trusting yourself.
- Surround yourself with supportive people. Spend less time with those who tear you down.
- Focus on your strengths. Doing more of what you’re good at builds confidence in yourself and your worth.
- Change your negative self-talk. Work on being your own best friend.